From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
