ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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