your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
