we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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