Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
