i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
