Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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