By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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