My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
