I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
