dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I love having hate sex.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
