so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
