dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
