I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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