no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How does it feel to date your dad?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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