We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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