from now on my penis is your penis
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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