Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
