well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
