Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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