doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
