I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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