just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
