Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
