You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
