I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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