i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Girls should come with a carfax report
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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