I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
