I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
