Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
