you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
