At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
