He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
