Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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