There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
