If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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