Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
