I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
