I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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