Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
