she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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