ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
