So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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