I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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