Little spoons don't ask big questions
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
