margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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