I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
PANTIES FOUND
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