Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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