I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
