I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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