you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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