Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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