is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
