I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
